My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
