? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
