We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
