I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
