Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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