so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
