Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
