In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
