yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
