He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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