giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
