She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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