i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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