No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
