Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
