Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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