drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
