New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
