D3 body, D1 cock
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
