Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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