hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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