Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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