Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
