remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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