I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
