I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just google imaged poop.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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