I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
God, I missed his penis.
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