i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
