I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
