Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
