there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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