When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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