I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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