I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
