either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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