I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.