what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we made out on top of his cat.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
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Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now