We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she was concerned about my dick piercings.