his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.