Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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