k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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