I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
