I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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