This is not my ceiling
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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