Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
