I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
