on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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