I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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