I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
