actually, I'm a sock model
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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