There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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