Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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