Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
bring money and cleavage
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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