I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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