I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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