it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
