Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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