is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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