Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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