are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
