even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
