Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
