how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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