Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
