Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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