sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize