so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
