I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
