Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
