Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
