i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
