You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
