fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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